HOW TO ATTAIN A PERSONAL COMMUNICATION WITH THE GOD?
The fellowship with God is possible for everybody of us. The God always wants us to have entered into personal contact with Him, got to know Him directly, but we hid ourselves from Him. There is nothing to subtilize here, there is no need to search special revelations, it is necessary only to entrust oneself to Him and to reveal oneself inwardly before Him. A lot of people ask: "how it is possible – personal communion of the simple person with the God?" But what that means, "simple"? "Not simple" one – who is he? The prayerful hermit in a cave? The prophet who possesses of unusual gifts? The sage who has learnt all the wisdom of world? In front of God all of us are "simple" ones. And fellowship with God may be attained very "simply". There is nothing to subtilize here, there is no need to search special revelations, it is necessary only to entrust oneself to Him and to reveal oneself inwardly before Him. God always wants us to have entered into personal contact with Him, got to know Him directly, but we hid ourselves from Him. Silently and persistently He tells to each of us: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock"; "My Son, give Me your heart". However something inside us hinders this sincerity. Here (and only here) it is necessary to make effort – to remove these obstacles aside, simply not to pay attention to them. More often it is the fear "to be unmasked" in the secret sins which I am especially ashamed. But it is rather silly: after all if He exists, He sees me fully, what I am, and what I will be. So only thing is reasonable – to tell Him: I am what I am – only Thou may teach me to become better. After He has let me know Himself, I may to think, what all this means and how to behave further? During contact with God I forget about myself, because He completely fills me by Himself. Such initial contact sometimes is short, sometimes lasts long, but sooner or later comes to an end – and I remain alone with myself and with memory about this experience. After the contact with God has ended, when we only remember it, a great pride arises inside me: "behold, I have been honoured with fellowship of God!" I start to tell about this experience as though wishing
to share my riches. But if they are not want to listen me and don't follow me on my way, I am indignant and irritated – and that unmasks my hidden pride. And we start to think, how to get rid of this pride, because this feeling deeply contradicts all that we have experienced during Divine visiting. So the spiritual life begins – deep and difficult, joyful and bitter, with achievements and falls, with hope and despair. But to the one who has taken this road, everything else will seem simply boring and senseless. «Jesus was so sweet that the whole world got bitter for me» – has told one of the Christian Saints. Without experience of God we know about Him only by hearsay though all begins with this – "belief from hearing". Without this experience we cannot understand all depth of our pride and arrogance, we can not comprehend the essence of our selfish nature. But only the initial experience of God is given so easily. Now, when we have really felt that God is Love, internal struggle begins: what will be more important for me – aspiration to God love, or obstinate unwillingness to change my selfish nature. The same arrogance can induce me to achieving regular repeating of this experience – confirming of my own significance. But the pride motivation or simple mystical curiosity will not cause Divine response. And if we will be very persevering, it can happen so: instead of God someone another will come, for whom my egoism is deeply conformable. This other spirit pretends he is god and he is so opened and clear for me, because he is proud one, as well as me. He will inspire me: "be who you are, it is not necessary to become another, your Ego divinely in itself, and love is simple comprehension that all of us together form universal Ego". Or we will accept these false whisperings, or we will return ourselves on the road to search of God - Whom we already know, but have lost. And we, at last, come to clear understanding: to reach internal silence, sincerity and an openness before God, it is necessary to overcome deadly resistance of the Ego... It seems to my subconsciousness that Ego perishes, if God exists and if God really is Love. And Ego resists – deafly and unshakably. And the mind obligingly convinces me that God don't exist or that He is impersonal and consequently is indifferent in relation of me, or that I – already by the nature is a part of the Deity and consequently except myself nobody is necessary to me. A lot of such things my mind can think up, because the mind itself has
grown from our selfish nature. And so will be until I will tell to myself: "let me be perished, if there is no Truth because without it ("without THOU") I don't exist at all". After this decision we enter on the following stage of spiritual life which never already will stop: our mind, our feelings, our subconsciousness will gradually change towards God, under His influence, in accordance of His image and likeness. And there will not be any end of this road, because God infinitely surpasses us: we always will be able to grow further and further.